Still Alive And Well

I know, I know - I have not posted in quite sometime. It has just been a whirlwind of emotional/mental turmoil. I am finally through the darkness and will have some time to blog. I also have new pics to post - so this may be a long long post. OK, let me roll up my sleeves and start typing:
It is difficult to know where to begin. Work - I guess is where all of the darkness lays - so let's start there. My last post about work was related to the hateful meeting I had to endure between my boss, the manager, Kelley, and I. Well, let me just tell you that things have progressed so far downhill that I am no longer employed with that company any longer (thank god!). Cruella (the manager) and her evil male counterpart basically sold Kelley and I down the river. There was a lot of backstabbing. Lies were told and accusations made (not by Kel and I, I might add). When mistakes were made by the two of them - it was Kel and I that were blamed even though we had nothing to do with the situation. It had become a toxic work environment for both Kel and myself. For those of you who really know me, you know, that I am a pretty honest and direct person. I hate to play games! And there were a whole lot of games being played. Evil, dark games that would affect not just me or Kel but all of the department. So, on 10/5 at approximately 8:30 am Kel and I gave our resignations to Cruella's evil male counterpart and his boss. It was the longest "resign from a job" I have ever had to endure - 2 hours of hashing and rehashing issues. I then went over to my clinic and told as many people as I could find. I was actually on vacation that day and I knew that word would travel fast. It was very sad, some tears were shed. I will miss all of them very much. And I hope in the aftermath that when it is all said and done that everyone in my clinic will know how much they meant to me and how honored I am to have been a part of their lives. Anyway, I had a good weekend. I even went in to the office late Sunday night to get things ready for our quarterly audit which was to take place this week sometime. Monday I was off also - a well needed little break. On Tuesday, 10/9, I was in the office bright and early - ready to get things all tied up and completed so my departure would not seem as traumatic for my clinic as well as the department. I had received an email from our chief nursing officer stating that both Kel and I were to report to her office at 3pm for a meeting regarding our resignation (jeez, does everyone have this much trouble resigning from a job?). Kel and I both thought this was weird, but we continued to get our clinics organized for the audit. I was planning on coming back to the office after the 3pm meeting to finish audit stuff up, order iud's for my provider's, and fax postpartum depression forms to BHO. All very innocent. I should have known something was up when my g drive (our personal "do not delete" file) was found on the company's k drive (the all company access drive). This is disturbing because amongst the clinic related items in my g drive there were also things like my resume, my resignation letter, and all of my employee and provider information. Not sure who has access to read the K drive OB files but whoever it was would have been able to see lots of confidential information. So, at 3pm Kel and I headed into the CNO's office. We were greeted by the CNO and Cruella's best friend, the executive director of adult medicine. We were also asked to hand over all of our company property - keys, phones, badges. We were then escorted to our cars by security and told we could clean out our offices tomorrow under supervision. They were going to pay us out for 2 weeks and then that would be it. It was shocking and a little humiliating, but I laughed and joked through it. Kel, was not so happy. She got on the phone immediately with everyone and said she had just been fired. I kept telling her that we had not been fired we had quit and they had decided we did not need to finish out our time. I was kind of happy to be done from all of the drama. I was also upset about not being able to say goodbye to my staff and my providers in a more positive way. I guess the company thought we were going to sabotage everything - that is so not me. To sabotage anything would ultimately have hurt my clinic. That would be something I would never do. I did get a few calls from my providers - who were very angry at the actions the company had taken. I also got phone call from my staff who were worried about what would happen to them. But one of the calls I got was from the nurse recruiter from a hospital I had applied to - they offered me a clinical supervisor position for labor and delivery at quite a bit more money then I was currently making. How awesome is that?!?!?!? I was not without a job for long. I will start orientation on 11/12. So, now I am enjoying my time off. Next week I will be going to the beach for a week. All is well with me. I guess the fallout from all of this is still continuing. The evil male counterpart got demoted and even has to give up his office. Cruella thinks she has won but from what I hear from the chief and other providers is that they will not make it easy for Cruella. The department has now moved from under Specialties to Adult Medicine, again. I hear rumblings from other employees in the department that they are giving their notice. It will be interesting to see what else happens but I am happy to know that I am not part of the toxicity surrounding the company put forth by management. I am free!!!!!!!

I did go clean out my office the next morning. I had a chance to speak to some of the staff. But it was awkward. I was supervised while packing up. I had so much stuff - it took an hour. When it was all packed in my little Mini Cooper and I drove away it was like a weight had been lifted. I don't think I had realized how unhappy I had been for so long related to work and dealing with management - trying to be an advocate for my clinic and the patients.

I am still getting phone calls from people. Kel got roses from one of her clinics. Life goes on and I know where ever I go I will be just fine. I am a survivor - there is no keeping me down!

I'm "Just" A Nurse

Bash woke up this morning with the whole right side of his face swollen. The lac on his forehead was swollen and red. Damn - I knew it did not look right. I asked several doctor's including his ped. All of them said it looked fine and it was healing. Damn - I knew it did not look right. But I am "just" a nurse. What do I know? I should have trusted myself. I have right on assessment skills. Better then quite a few of the docs I have worked with over the years. I should have just insisted that someone take me seriously. So, we were back at the urgent care again. They had to open the wound, drain the pus, and place a little bit of packing to keep the wound open. He is now on keflex. I feel really bad - I should have trusted me. Now, he is looking at a scar that may need plastics to fix. He has such a cute little face. It makes me very sad.

I Don't Feel Like I have A Choice

I had a very disturbing meeting this afternoon. My boss, the new manager, the other supervisor, and myself - all sitting at a table. My boss and the new manager (I like to call her Cruella) on one side of the table - Kel and I on the other side of the table. The stand off begins. The meeting starts with the boss stating , "I feel like there is some tension between the management staff." Wow, you think? And it goes down hill from there. Cruella acting Innocent and unable to comprehend why there is tension. Cruella not taking any responsibility in the fact that the communication is broken and the team work is non-existent. The boss wants us to lay it all out on the table - and so we did. It was ugly, tears were shed, horns were locked. Halfway through the "meeting" we were told that we would now be reporting to Cruella. I just started laughing! Cruella asked, "Why are you laughing? Why do you think this is funny?" I said, "Actually, it is quite sad but I just don't know what else to do."

So, after the meeting Kel and I decided that we would both have to give our notice. This makes me sad and angry. As I have said before - I like my clinic, I love my employees, and my little office is very cozy. But I just don't feel like I have a choice. I spend to much time at work to have it be so negative. I don't trust Cruella - I feel like she has her own personal agenda. And if my boss was smart he would be very careful.

On a more positive note - I had a great interview yesterday. It was for the Clinical Supervisor for the L/D unit of a brand new hospital. The manager is a no nonsense, straight talking, tell it like it is L/D nurse. She gets down in the trenches when needed with her crew (I like that - that is how I operate also). I would be part of opening a brand new unit - and that is exciting. By the end of the interview she stated that she really liked me and she would love to have me as part of her team - I think I got the job. I have not heard from HR yet regarding an offer. I know it will be less then I am making now - but money isn't everything. It will also get me back in on the unit and in L/D which will help once I start school. Kel also interviewed for a position on the same unit - maybe we will be able to work there together.

So when will we deliver the news? Next week - I think. I want to wait and hear from HR 1st. I will give plenty of notice. Try and get my clinic ready for my departure. I sure am going to miss everyone. ) :

Yes, I Am Still Alive and Well

I know - all of my faithful readers have been wondering here I have been. I have been here trudging along day by day. I think I last left you with Bash's home study being completed. Not much has happened since then. Let's see -

- Still waiting for whatever the next stage is related to Bash's adoption. I do not have any new pictures of Bash - I am working on picking out a new digital camera. So new pictures should be happening soon.

- I have done nothing in regards to the VN adoption. I still want to continue but I have been dragging my feet waiting to see what might happen with my niece. I think I will go ahead and send in the rest of the application. It may be another year before I find out about my niece.

- I am actively seeking a new job. I am having a really difficult time dealing with my boss and the manager that he has hired. How do you hire someone who has not been in a clinical situation in 12 yrs to run a clinic? It is just not good and I am miserable. My biggest reason for staying is my employees and my clinic. I like everyone there and all of my Providers. I am a passionate person with regards to my career and I just don't feel that same passion or even a small splinter of that passion from the others that are in the position to make very important decisions for my department. So, I started filling out apps and sending out my resume. I got a very nice offer from someone very close that I could go down to part time in preparation for school starting and I would not have to worry about bills. Hmmm... could I go back to punching a clock and laboring patients again? I do miss it and 2 days a week would be so very nice. On another note, I have applied for a manager's position at a very busy hospital for a very busy L/D unit. So, that is another possibility - What will I do? Who knows - it is all still up in the air.

- I will be leaving for the Bay area at the end of the month. I can not wait - an adult weekend for me !!! Yea!!!

- We will be going to Disneyland the 2nd weekend in October! Yea!!! It will be so fun. I have not been in about 12 yrs. Can't wait.

- I did get to take a very fun little road trip this weekend to Goldfield, Nevada. I know, most people are probably wondering "Why Goldfield?" Well, a very scary hotel is in Goldfield. It has been featured on several ghost hunting shows. We went to go peer in the windows - creepy. The little town has about 400 people and tons of ruins from the gold rush days. Very cool little place. The graveyard was also cool. I will have some pics from there up soon. The next day we went up to Mt Charleston to have lunch. It was a very nice drive. All in all it was a good relaxing weekend!
More Later
T